"What They Wanted To Say"
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Ajoy, the chatterbox of our bygone school era had changed a lot. He was no more a chatterbox, rather say he was not into talking anymore. He had grown too serious. This version of Ajoy was so unlike the one I knew. I never expected this much change in just 3 years. To my relief, Hazid hadn’t changed much, but he now had a fully fledged beard and looked a bit more mature. He was the silent guy of the gang then and still silent. I’ve always wondered if his silence was out of some insecurity or out of some real maturity. I always believed it was “the-real-maturity-and-wisdom” part because his smile had something to it, as if he saw something deep in everything little thing going on around.
Here they were, sitting before me, after a long 3 years 4 months and 23 days, and all they cared for was the second pastry to be ordered. No one had anything to talk about. Maybe some distance had crept in. 3 years. Maybe new friends, who were nearer, took over. Maybe my constant letters and phone calls didn’t lessen the distance of the distance I was from them then. Maybe am just imagining thing…Maybe it’s just that they are pastry crazy…
Breaking the silence, I said “Nice pastry,na?”
Rajesh suddenly replied, chewing and all “Yup, yummy yummy.”
All of us suddenly burst into laughter. I couldn’t help noticing till-then-serious Ajoy laughing out loud and at some point getting confused if to come out of the shell.
Now I asked “How was the past three years? I used to write letters to all you three. Only Hazid used to reply. But his letters were too short. Most of it was about our school days and less about what was going on when I was away.”
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Rajesh
School days were fun. I could eat from all your tiffin boxes. We could hangout on holidays. It didn’t matter where, all it mattered was whether all four of us were there. Even one less than four made me feel the gang incomplete. It was not about just feeling incomplete. Everyone in the gang had some role. Ajoy was fun. He would chatter on and on. He was the talkative. The leader of our gang.
If Ajoy was funmkaer, I was the one made fun of. Obviously because I was a bit plump. I didn’t mind that. I was fat and I was proud of that. Whenever my pride was a little hurt by Ajoy’s ‘fun’ is where you came in. You would talk some nonsense to make me feel better and then make Ajoy say a “Sorry ,I just meant fun.No offence”. You were the unitor. I know there isn’t a word as ‘unitor’in English. But infact you kept us united. I can’t avoid telling that just because there isn’t a word as ‘unitor’. And there was Hazid. Hazid was the only guy who smiled at my stale jokes when both of you looked at me disgusted by my jokes. He would watch us as if from a distance and keep smiling.
For the past three years our unitor was away. Our gang fell apart. Ajoy’s world somehow shrunk. He stopped making fun,even making fun of me. I miss that. Hazid comes by occasionally. But there isn’t much talk and that makes me feel uncomfortable. His silence never made me uncomfortable when there were fourof us. It was always the gang of four…anything less was uncomfortable for me. Look at me today. With all you four around I find the pastries more tasty…
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Ajoy
The only true friends I had at school were you people and the only time I had true friends was at school. Once out of school all of us where on the run for different things. You ended up out of state, far from all of us. Hazid ,Rajesh and me used to hang out together initially. But it turned out more of a disappointment. I found Rajesh uncomfortable with me. He could no more appreciate my jokes. I didn’t matter to him anymore. I hadn’t much to talk as my jokes were no more acceptable to him. Hazid, as you know, was always the silent guy. We didn’t have anything to keep this going. I slowly stopped hanging out with them.
College wasn’t anything like school. I never had close friends there. I didn’t have sidekicks like you people. All that concerned me there was lectures, attendances, studies. I was looked upon as a serious guy, an entirely different view from the one people had about me back there at school. I stuck to their new view. I acted serious for a while, I stopped talking for some time and I grew serious,I grew silent. Not that I enjoyed any of it. I felt I could never be that old Ajoy again. Not without all of you.
There were your letters. You always said you missed us, in every letter. But nevertheless you were happy with your new surroundings. You said you had some new friends. That you were enjoying college life. I envied you. Somehow I started thinking like you were responsible for this state of mine. As if it was after you went away that my life became the way it is now. As if took away with you something I needed to keep Hazid and Rajesh close.
Now you are back. After a long time, I’ve had a pretty good laughter. How long is this gonna last? Any plans to take off again?
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Hazid
Watching the three of you having fun was my idea of happiness, my idea of fun. I wasn’t funny, I hadn’t much charm, I never knew what to say and when. That always made me uncomfortable with dealing with people. But you people were comfortable with me, comfortable with my silence. Comfortable with it till 3 years ago. You people didn’t mind my silence. You took me for what I was. You people made my school life great. I still daydream those four school boys hanging out together at times. I don’t know how you tamed this silent me into your gang. No one ever tried taming me again. Silent people are taken for granted. My silence was always taken for granted by everyone.
I never got friends like you. After you went away something was missing. Ajoy was no more Ajoy. Rajesh was no more Rajesh. All were Hazids, silent. Somebody had to do the talking to keep this going. No one did. You see, I never knew what to say and when, never. So I kept mum as ever. Slowly I grew uncomfortable of my own silence in their company. I could no longer bear it. I thought it better to believe that they no longer cared for me rather than living each day feeling uncomfortable about myself. But I wanted them back in my life, in the old form. I cherished the old days, wishing they came back.
Wrote you letters about those old days, those good old days. The going-on life wasn’t exciting anymore. My island of consolation remained our memories together.And I had nothing to write much about the past three years. To me they were too dry…We needed you badly.We need you badly.
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“You people didn’t answer me What was going on the last three years?Why are you guys staring at me? Why are you people silent?” I asked
Ajoy asked me “You will be staying? Or this is just a vacation.”
Rajesh added “ Stay here, wont you?”
Hazid smiled.
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love all of you loads and loads,
hari
PS-This is fiction. chars are not directly from real life.But everything of them is in sumone around,like me you or a frnd of yours, in all of us. Like the pastry crazy rajesh is in me and ajith and so many others, the chatterbox ajoy,the silent and eversmilng hazid.
In case u dint understand.the italics part is wat they wanted to say.not wat they said.athu manasilaavathe irikenda kaaryam illa.enalum am this telling to be on the safer side
