After some long time I guess!

'For the Salt of the Earth'

I opened the gate and entered watching the three little cubs playing in the porch

'The more the merrier', I thought with a smile. They noticed me and stopped playing. The tiniest cub stared at me with its tiny but big round eyes and mouth open round. I could see glimpses of the lion i knew, in the cub's face. I forgot to walk as I watched it. It was him made smaller. By the time the two little girls ran into the house, one of them ringing the bell as they ran in. The cub stood still holding his toy car in hand gaping at me. I couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking as he stared at me. I wasn’t one of those handsome or cute types that babies would love staring at, neither people. It wasn’t my size, his father was far bigger than me. Maybe it was my beard. Maybe he was seeing a beard this close for the first time. Or, well…children love staring at weirdest of creatures, from hippos to hippies...

Now the cub looked around, his siblings were nowhere to be seen. I could see the panic in his face and the little one dropped the toy car there and ran to the three steps and climbed them with much difficulty and ran into the house. As i started walking to the lions mane, emerged the lion. The most jovial of the Leo I have ever met. As much a lion tailed monkey as a lion...

It was one of those moments you wished you could pause life and take a screenshot. A lovely instant. The Leo grinning ear to ear, his tiniest cub peeping from behind his leg, the other two looking out of the window, parting the curtains. Watching the grin on his face i wished that his children stared at him instead of me and love him for it.

Had it been one of my workplace friends they would have said something like "long time no see", but never what he said which was "At last!!!You Bastard!!!". That was true. I was a bastard not to have come a bit earlier...

His wife came into the scene slapping his shoulder, raising her eyebrows at him telling 'mind the children' and then looked at me smiled and said "Come inside. I will get you some tea" and went in.

I just smiled and walked to him. I felt very little in front of him. The hug i got reminded me of Simba hugging Timon. The tiny cub ran and hid behind the sofa. Hands over shoulders, like old times, me a little out of the ground, we walked into the house...

*****************

She was too bothered to fall asleep. She sat with her gaze fixed on the novel in her hand. Just the gaze fixed, neither eye or mind in it. Too bothered to read. Too bothered to sleep...

Why such a sudden trip? Why had he flown earlier than them?

she hated suspense,mysteries,unanswered question and she couldn’t sleep with them even from a novel. Then how could she if they were from real life!

She didn’t know what to think. She could think anything ranging from extreme to extreme. She was worried.

Why was he avoiding answering 'why’s about the trip?

A sudden thought startled her. 'Had he found anything wrong last time he went for medical checkup

She tried to calm down my by telling herself 'Maybe it’s nothing serious. Maybe am just over worried'

'If there was nothing serious why such a sudden trip?' She took a deep breath and told herself 'Stop thinking. Stop thinking'. closing the book she looked sideways at the twins who were sleeping sound. Beyond them, through the window she saw the sea of clouds...more like mountains than the sea...

**********************

After dinner I went and sat in the sofa in the hall, took the newspaper and started looking through the front page.

He came and snatched it out of my hand saying " you ass. You came here after all these years to read the newspaper? You can take it home and read when you go. You are not reading this here"

His wife was telling 'stop playing around and give him the paper which he ignored. As he sat down he said with a wide grin "And since when did you start reading newspapers you lazy bum!!!" and enjoying what he said and laughed out heartily. I grinned.

The little girls came together and split up ,one sat near their daddy, one near their mother. The tiniest cub was in his mother's lap drinking milk out of his bottle, getting drunk to drowsy.

Now the little girl who sat near her daddy hit his tummy, enjoying the expressions her daddy-clown made.

I told him "well you have a food asset there" and laughed

And the little girl said pointing at his tummy "daddy has a little baby inside". She was telling it looking at her mother though i knew it was to me she was talking. We all laughed and I asked him "Can I tell my first memory of you?

"I know it" he said

"But does she?" I asked

"No. she knows only my firsts and my recollections"

"well then i will take the privilege to let her know now"

She was caught in between, not knowing what to say.

I started "this happened a month after college life began. On a lunch break. All my classmates joined with their old friends from school and all were walking to the canteen. I was a miser"

he interrupted me "As if you aren't one now"

I said smiling " Not as I was then,na!"

"yeah yeah! Now you are an international miser. Saving money, not coming here!"

Well it was true...

His wife now said curiously "Say the rest"

I continued " And hence I told my classmates that I wasn’t coming to lunch. They tried to persuade me a bit. I didn’t yield boasting to that i used to skip lunches from school and that it was nothing to worry about. At last the quit persuading and left. But a tall guy didn’t go.

Now she said capriciously "don’t tell me he survived skipping a meal! I wouldn’t believe you!!!!"

He said grinning "yeah yeah. Don’t talk like you never knew it. You have heard me telling i used to skip lunches. I have told it a lot"

She winked an eye at him and said "I couldn’t believe you completely on that. Why were you skipping lunches? to avoid looking too pregnant?

We both laughed. And he acted "HAHAHA! Big joke....now satisfied"

Then i continued "he said he also didn’t want to have lunch, that it was a good idea to save that money. I still remember trying to convince him like 'if you are staying so that i don’t get lonely, you should go and have lunch'. Well, then i wasn’t aware of the fact that i had just met a bigger miser than me"

"Thank you Thank You!!" he said grinning and bowing a bit(as much as his tummy let him)

Now she asked "where is your wife?"

I said "she is on her way"

Then there was a pause. I turned to his wife and said "can you leave us two alone for a few moments. I have something serious to talk to him."

The sudden change in atmosphere puzzled her "Should i take the kids along?

"If it’s not a problem" i answered

She was cautious not to wake up the tiniest cub. She carried him on her shoulder and said to the girls "leave your father alone. Time to sleep. Come. Come."

the followed her.

I looked at his face. he also looked bewildered the sudden heaviness in the atmosphere...

***************************

The flight had arrived early morning at 3 and I picked them up from the airport and drove home. The twins dozed off in a few moments leaving me and her awake. I loved such moments with her. Today she looked a bit worried. A bit too tired too. Both reflected in her eyes

I said "Stop worrying. It’s nothing to worry of"

She said like a child throwing tantrums, but mildly "Why can’t you tell me what this is all about?"

"Don’t be angry na."

WE looked into each other's eyes for a moment and I fixed my eyes back on the road and told. "Stop thinking. Just wait. Take it as it comes..."

The anger had disappeared and the worry returned to her face. "At least tell me if everything is fine. Tell me it’s all ok"

This was her cry. She never cried shedding tears (i did that. one in each family was enough)

I said to reassure her "everything is fine. Whatever it is you have thought up to worry so much, just totally forget it."

It didn’t wipe the worry off her face.

"Please..." I said and slowly reached out for her hand and held it so, till the next gear change. That reassured her I guess. I mean holding the hand, not the gear change. Now she looked a bit moré calm

**************************

I drove the rented caravan. He sat by me, the tiniest cub watching the road sitting in his lap. We talked of the old days, the good the bad the ugly...I mean the days, not the film. Chewing the cud of those memories was pleasurable. Occasionally the little girls would come asking doubts, or with tantrums, or asking to stop the caravan for a pee, or just to watch the road. The atmosphere was so jovial with so many children around... I thought again 'the more the merrier'...

The only thing that bothered me was whether she was still worried. I hadn’t told her yet... Neither had he told his wife.

I wished both the ladies were discussing the good things of life than trying to do guesswork on the mystery together. The extremes that could be thought up would increase synergistically if both worried together on that!

I wished they had a good time. I wished she was having a good time...That she wasn’t still worried...

*********************

The caravan jumped up and down traversing the road full of gutters. The wives, his and mine came to see the roads.

"isn’t there a better route?" My wife asked

I said “Could both of you give us a couple of minutes alone?"

I didn’t need to see her face to know this made her angry. Well I looked, just for confirmation. It held storm clouds. She went in. his wife followed her.

I shouted out "Just two minutes"

"Whatever" she said.

She was angry. But I wasn’t worried about that...

He smiled at me. No. Grinned.

We didn’t have anything to discuss. We just didn’t want them in front now. That was all.

And in a minute or a couple of minutes I halted the caravan and got out. He also got out. I shouted "Final stop. Time to get down" and opened the door.

As i opened the door the first thing and the only thing that caught my eyes were her angry eyes. I felt her tinier than the tiniest and cuter than the cutest child in the vehicle.

"Get out na." i said with a smile, still looking at her

Childern,some hopped out, some climbed down. All except my little child...

"Mommy, come see this, one of the children cried out"

His wife also got out.

All the time she was looking sharply into my eyes. She always gets me nervous with that look of her's. I got in and tried taking her hand. She slapped my hand away.

I smiled...well, I grinned. Or say, the emotion within made me smile but the manifestation was a grin.

"Come na" I said gently, trying again to hold her hand. She didn’t let me. She just stood up and stepped out of the vehicle. I followed her, all the time watching her face.

She looked all around slowly, with wide eyes, with her jaws dropped. Anger forgotten. The transition of expressions was lovely. She turned to me and gave me a grin. She couldn’t fix eyes on me. She started looking all around again.

I went and stood by her holding her close to my shoulder, watching with her the gradient of colors ranging from green to blue of the lake, the light of the sun giving it a golden lining over its ripples and small waves, the mountains all around tops covered by mist clouds, the banks...a play of colors...

"At last you kept your promise, that you would take me here" I wished her to say.

But as usual, she said the unusual "Wow! So it wasn’t anything about the photography skills you boasted of. This place is real beautiful. Any click can give you a nice shot!"

I felt like an ass hearing that. She saw the transition in my face and laughed heartily. I smiled watching her laugh.

Then she pulled me by my ear and whispered into it "Thanks for taking me here at last. Back then, ever since you showed me pictures of the place you took with him, and promised to take me here, I used to daydream of being here with you after marriage..."

"I know" I said

"Daydream didn’t have the children though"

"Add-ons"

"Well, it’s better with them. The noise and all"

I just smiled. 'Salt of the earth' I thought of her

She was scanning the ground for something.

"Did you lose something?"

She bent and picking up a twig, she said "Ofcourse,a lot of sleep”, gritting her teeth in a funny manner. I took the warning and started running. She ran behind shouting "you could do this without putting me into this much worry, you nut"

All of them started laughing out loud at the sight of it...

Love

hari

PS- thanks to ajith for giving me "sree ganesa" song from agneepath for it was that song in repeat that helped me to keep writing till the end

and dharmiyaan from jodibreakers during editing

On Ajith's Malayalam Bday

The Limiting Factor

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the futile attempt to wile away time staring at the road outside, now presenting no sign of any human activity, I closed my eyes. After all I could always look inside myself. What else could I do! My reading was martyred quarter hour ago for the sake of sleep of others when the driver turned off the lights. Today, looking inside, I felt blank. No thoughts knocked in. I sighed and leaned on to the bars of the window.
‘The whole bus waiting for one passenger, just one ‘The limiting factor’ I thought. I sat there bored and thinking of what I should think about…
A few minutes passed and then the rumble of an auto rickshaw set in and grew gradually till I could make out that it halted just outside the door .The driver of the bus gestured impatiently , but silently at the ‘limiting factor’ whose presence evident, but not yet visible to me. The driver groaned when the ‘limiting factor’ made a thudding noise entering the bus. It was a she, the limiting factor.
And the martyrdom of my reading was almost for a lost cause now, as most sleeps were broken, at least momentarily by the thud. The dark outline of the limiting factor gestured a silent apology to the ‘unfortunate woke-ups’. Then she turned to the driver and whispered something. The driver switched on the light. I thought with a grudge “There it goes from ‘Almost nothing’ to ‘nothing’… martyrdom for a lost cause…”.
The bus started moving. The limiting factor not any more a limiting factor to the bus, now the limiting factor to the sleeps of many, was scanning for a seat. I saw her face. I was horrorstruck. I didn’t want to be seen by her!!! I stooped so as to hide from her and sat looking down at the floor neither sure if she had noticed me nor if she recognized me in the first place.
The seat by me was empty, I noticed with a chill running down my spine. Hands cold, heart beats like gallops, what more should I say to convey what I felt. I prayed ‘Not here please. Not here of all seats’
Before even the prayer could have reached anyone, I saw the shadow of the limiting factor thorough the corner of my eye, placing her bag under the seat, preparing to sit by me. I sat looking out of the window trying to hide my face. Hands were shivering a bit and my stomach gave a sudden lurch.
A few moments passed and then breaking the silence that prevailed, the limiting factor, asked ‘Could you close that window please?’
I didn’t answer. I didn’t look at her. I just closed the window. The glass being black didn’t let in anything but yellow flashes of light sources and obscurity passing behind. Now it was pointless pretending to look sideway and hence useless to use that as a cover.
I looked slightly sideways and downwards, avoiding her face. The corner of the eye suggested some vague notion that she was looking at me. And then, god bless the driver, he turned off the lights. Now she wasn’t the limiting factor of their sleeps but mine. The limiting factor of my peace of mind. Always the limiting factor of something…even back then…
In a silence of tension I sat. The silence was broken down by her sweet voice, not the tension. “Is this Suresh?”
I looked at her with a foolish smile. And now, in my forties, I felt like a boy. The same who met her some quarter century back. ‘Growing out of this funny feeling was impossible, even after all these years’, I thought. I felt a bit ashamed, a bit humiliated. Only bits compared to the old feeling. Well now I found it really funny too. Something I could laugh at, sharing with my wife.
“That’s a surprise; after all these years!!! ” the exclamation in her voice was genuine. This was first time she talked to me!!! I was more used to her silence. Her DNPs as I call it…
She started asking where I was going, of my life in general, making small talk. I couldn’t but feel a thrust inside me at the sight of the vermillion on her hairline. Another funny feeling. Not that I felt anything for her. I am someone who believes i got the best wife in the world. Still it kind of itches, you know, slightly, and funnily. I had an urge to grin at the thought, I killed it even before it took birth.
I answered one question after another. Well, I never knew she was talkative. Always thought she was of the silent sort. I couldn’t ask much. She was like an interviewer.
She asked “Your wife?”
I smiled and said “I have the best”.
“Why?!!” She smiled and asked, exclaiming a bit.
I laughed and said “Made for me…”
She just smiled. Then asked more, more and more…
Time flew on and at some point I looked at my radium dial wristwatch. It was past 1 AM. She noticed it and said ‘It’s time to sleep I guess’
I nodded, though not so sure I could easily…
She took a blanket out of her bag and as she was unfolding it, she asked passively “You still write, na?”
My stomach gave another lurch. I said nothing.
She continued “Your letters. They were beautiful.”
I nodded smiling, avoiding her eye. Then she said “You didn’t answer me…”
I said “A bit. Now and then…”
“Published anything?”
“No…Just for myself…you know…personal satisfaction”
She sat back, covered herself with the blanket and wished me night…then she said after a pause “keep writing… Shouldn’t waste the talents you have. You know, many cant.”
I sat back and closed my eyes. I couldn’t help grinning. I sat ruminating over those days far behind…Those days…

What’s your concept of a typical SENIOR at college? That was me.

A Scornful Greek god wouldn’t have been as scornful as me to my juniors. Ruthless and feared. Yet accepted and respected. All of it...in the right proportions for a typical senior I guess.
M.A economics wasn’t hard for me. Marks, never below average and work, never above average. The college life was life itself. Ragging was mostly fun, never too hard…Just funny and fun. Some arrogant lots got it lots though.
My final year at college. That’s when she came to my college and to my life. That’s how I used to think then. Well, now, I correct it. She never came to my life.
I still remember staring at her, the very first time I met her…a beautiful girl with hostile eyes. I was dealing with some junior boys, trouble-makers,well, to their luck I got distracted .I learned from them that she was of BA literature (English) class. Name was Vrinda.
Then I started hanging out near the Literature Block with my friends. During breaks when she came out, I made it my duty to be present there to stare at her, with all my heart wishing she would answer my stares somehow. It was as if she never noticed my stares. Her hostile eyes were immune to them. The negligence in them indeed acknowledged the deliberateness of the act and the deliberateness was a relief as it acknowledged that she was aware of my stares and deliberately ignoring them.
Within a couple of weeks, it was well known to everyone that I was after her. Even she knew it, though she still was deliberately neglecting it. Shameful to me it became, when even after a couple of months, it didn’t progress from stares unanswered. A so called ’feared, ruthless and scornful’ senior-most boy totally ignored by a junior-most girl. I felt shameful indeed. I didn’t have to do it this way. There were faster ways, ways that didn’t guarantee effectiveness though. But I decided to be patient.Afterall it was a matter of love.
Anyway I had no idea what to do about this. So I opened up to my closest friend Das. The man of solutions to any emotional issue, except his own. Well, ironically as life always is, his solutions always worked for others, never himself. Leave that…Anyway Das heard me out. He gave it a thought
“Why not write her a letter. That’s the best solution I guess. And you know, beautiful letters always gets them into the net. Well, not the illiterate ones” he said laughing to his own joke and then added “Passing it to her is easy. We can leave that to Raji. She is at the Ladies’s”( Raji was his lover)
The idea seemed simple and perfect. I left for my room immediately, to pen down my love to pin down my love. It took me more than a dozen days, few duodecad papers every time and a lot of frustration to realize why I didn’t take literature in the first place. I postponed ‘penning down my love’ for some time later knowing that ‘some time later’ was analogous to putting away indefinitely.
The shame was eating me each day. The boldness of my stare steadily decreased. I felt like everyone around were silently mocking me. I couldn’t take it anymore. Telling her was like a blocked bottleneck, as if the narrow neck wasn’t enough…
How could I let her know? How? How? That’s the only thing for which my brain worked and my brain worked overtime for a solution. All the time except staring at her. Funniest thing is, she knew it and yet I had to do this!
With Arts festival that year, came the perfect solution. The idea was simple: assign the work to someone who aced it and reap the results. I called the boy who got prize for English Short story writing and Essay writing, Baalu. This writer was my resource, another resource of a resourceful economist. I told him what I wanted. ‘Beautifully written letters’. I gave him the points I wanted to see in it. I didn’t have to threaten him to do it; that was the way I was looked at by my juniors all except one who never looked at me at all.
The draft of the first letter came. I read it. It was exactly what I wanted it to be. Perfect. The draft got promoted to original. I didn’t thank him. He wasn’t to be pampered unnecessarily. That would make him demanding. The letter was passed through Raji.
Next day, with boosted up self confidence I went to my usual place with my friends, a little earlier than break, waiting for her. I was eager to see her response. And when the break came she came out. I stared; she just went on with her Deliberate Negligence Programme(DNP). Neither a reply nor an acknowledgement. I was offended, I was frustrated and I was ashamed.
I called the Baalu boy back and asked him to write another letter, telling what I felt when she deliberately ignored the letter from me. He smiled hearing the ‘from me’.
I knew why. I said offended ‘I make you write them. I give you what to write. It’s from me. Some directors use camera-men instead of doing the camera work themselves. It’s the same here’
Anyway the boy did it well this time too. The letter was well written. I got it delivered to her through Raji again.
Every next day was similar…it became a vicious cycle. More shame, more frustration, more letters, more deliberate negligence, more shame, more frustration, more letters, more deliberate negligence. It went on, so on and so forth…
And at some point it reached my threshold, the breaking point. I decided to break the ‘next day’ cycles that prevailed. I was getting impatient and really really offended at her arrogance.
I thought ’Who does she think she is? Some heavenly princess? Who did she think she was playing with? What was she thinking? That I didn’t know of other better ways of dealing to her? Spitting on my humility, is it?
The next day I went with sleeves rolled up than usual. The feared scornful Greek god-like attitude evidently took over, which I neither used at her nor to get to her, till now. Well, seeing her I felt they would all melt off. I feared I would smile foolishly involuntarily.
I went to her walking in a violent manner and repeated my thoughts in an aggressive tone “Who do you think you are? Some heavenly princes? Who do you think I am? Who do you think you are playing with? Do you think I don’t know better ways to deal with you? …”

Well I couldn’t complete the rest of it as the boys around thought I was violent and pulled me back. Well, I was in total control and there wasn’t any need for all that. But how could they know. Well, people love to make a scene out of nothing. Then a big sensational story out of it. The same happened here too

All, actually from nothing…

The very same day I wanted to apologize to her for getting angry. But no one would let me go anywhere. I was treated like a nut that could at any moment go blasting. Sidekicks became like self-appointed bystanders. Everyone wanted to console me. Das had gone home and hence I was stuck up with all of them. Bystanders than friends.
The very next day her father came to college and complained. The day that followed, I was suspended from college for a few days and my father was informed. Suspension never mattered. But informing my father was a little too much, being the man he was.
Well, my father was a strict man. A man of principles above everything. I believe I don’t have to explain how he would have reacted to his own son misbehaving to a girl.
“ Better not born than born to be son like this” he declared. Then he warned with a lot of swearing that if I ever disturbed that girl or any other girl he would banish me from family. No talking back was allowed. Well, this much was bearable than what he did the very next day. He went to Vrinda’s house to see her and her father, to apologize for his son. I felt ashamed, humiliated and downtrodden.Till then I held some hope of getting her back.Now, I couldn’t even think of facing her ever again.
After I returned I kept my word. I didn’t ever disturb her…
Even the thought of her was depressing and humiliating. I wasn’t ‘the scornful senior’ anymore. I retreated into my shell and moved on with my life. Passed my MA Economics with first class marks. Got my Doctorate and then started working. Got married to my wife… I mean, I made her my wife by marrying her.

I couldn’t help grinning at her words “Your letters. They were beautiful.”
And with that grin on my face I slept by her. Literally
****
The mobile alarm rang at 6 in the morning. I woke up and found she was already up. She looked tired and sleepy though. She was folding her blanket and packing it into her bag. I wished her morning.
Her mobile rang. She answered it “Am almost there. In a couple of minutes we’ll be at the stop….okay”
She hung up, turned to me and asked “By the way forgot to ask you where you are going?”
“Marriage of a friend’s daughter”
“You told that yesterday. I mean now. Direct from the stop. To know if it’s someplace we can drop you on our way. Or you have someone waiting to pick you up?”
“Well, I have a room booked at Hotel Tri-Star. None to pick up.”
“Aha. That’s on our way… we will drop you.”
The bus finally reached the station. We got down. She looked around and then noticing her car, slowly walked towards it. I followed her. She opened the back door and put her baggage to the other side. She held the door open for me. I got in.
Then she got into the front seat. Her husband turned back and extended his hands to me. The face shook me more. I saw the face of the man who vermilliononized her forehead, with a sickening jolt in my stomach. A funny feeling again. Funniest of all…
“This is my husband. “And she added “you might know him …”
He turned back to drive, with a smile.
Yes I did…
She continued “Baalu was my classmate. Well, he is a freelancing journalist and has some books to his name. Baalu has friends who are literary agents. If you want to get published, he can help you.”
‘What was going on? ‘ I thought, with a unique feeling. I didn’t know what to feel. What’s that feeling called?
I thought on and on ‘Was it her sarcasm? Were they making fun of me? I couldn’t tell from her voice. Was he so noble that he never told his wife he wrote the letters and not me? Was it that they were in love from back then and he had told her then itself, that my letters were his? Or had she known all the way here right from college that he wrote them? Was he the limiting factor that kept me from getting her? Or they fell in love much later, after I left and then he told later?? Did he tell her? Did she really know?’
I couldn’t say. I couldn’t ask either…So many questions. None could be answered without telling her the answer which if she really didn’t know would be embarrassing for me. Or getting it out of her that she knew it all, right from the beginning, straight to face, would be equally embarrassing(and funny).
All I could do was wonder… and remain puzzled because puzzled was better than embarrassed.
They dropped me before Hotel Tri-Star and as they bid me farewell, she turned to me, taking a card from the dash. A visitor’s card of her husband’s and said “Keep writing. Bye then. See you”
I waved them a good-bye and stood there still puzzled.
She knew it? Or she didn’t? I wondered
What else could I do but wonder!!!

-------
Again :P I dont know if anyone would read this far :P its long I guess :P
Cheetha vilikaan mobilil message ,gmailil offline, ivide thanne comments :) u know the routine na :D
love
hari

Pre-valentine-post... pre and post :D

Literally or otherwise…

Prologue

Unlike most boys get to, I didn’t have to run after her, nor was I in a position to. But she gave me her heart . She trusted me with it… of course with a “*conditions apply” tag with it…

************

I sat in the bus. Most of the seats were empty. I sat cozily in the back seat, by the window. The conductor was counting the change. The few in the bus, like me were enjoying their side seat wind and view. It was unusual for the bus to be this less crowded on a working day evening like today. Anyway I sat back and looked out of the window, actually looking at nothing…

The bus stopped at the next stop. That’s what stops are made for, right? I just sat looking who was entering. Through the back door an old lady entered and sat in one of the empty seats. The conductor rang the bell. But the bus didn’t move. Basically it’s not the bell .It’s the driver who gets it moving. So I wondered what the driver was waiting for.

Suddenly through the front entrance she entered the bus. A friend of her’s whom I knew not followed. Not that I knew all the rest of her friends. Still…That doesn’t challenge the fact that I didn’t know this one either.

Gooseflesh set in. I didn’t expect her now. I sat there awed, silently not knowing what to do. Should I go to her? Would she see me? Would she come to me and talk if she saw me? Or would she be uncomfortable talking to me with the friend around and ignore?

She didn’t notice me sitting in the back. They sat down in one of the front row seats. She sat by the window. They panted and laughed looking at each other, probably excited at having caught the bus after a long run together. Maybe she wouldn’t have minded me going to her and talking. But I myself was uncomfortable of talking in front of a person I knew not. So I sat there, contemplating her.

The bus was moving again. Their initial excitement and panting went down in some time. They now sat like two islands connected by a headphone, lost in their own worlds. She sat looking out of the window. Her hair flew in the wind. Once in a while she would move her fingers through them and put them in place. But that didn’t keep them from dancing in the wind. I wished I could run my fingers through them. She appeared lost in thoughts, maybe daydreams… about me??? Maybe!!!

The conductor rang the bell again. The bus stopped. She and her friend stood up and went out. I sat there watching her get out of the bus…

The conductor called out to me now “This is your stop here, sir.”

I came back to my senses. I ran out of the bus, thanking the conductor for reminding me. I stood there and looked around as the bus left. Then crossed the road, walked a few paces and turned right to enter a street road. The lane in which she lived. The road to her home...

Prologue continues…

…First and foremost of which was that I should visit her home very often. That I was always welcome there. That her parents would love me visiting. That they would love me like her. Like their own son… Even I love it there. Always felt home there…

************

At a distance she and her friend were walking. They were talking all the time and laughing. I walked slowly so that they wouldn’t see me. She shouldn’t feel uncomfortable with her friend around. Though this one did feel a close friend. I can’t say. Girls do sweet-talk even to the girls they envy or hate, as if they were friends for the previous ten lifetimes. To be on the safer side I kept a safe distance and walked slowly.

She reached the front of her home. She bid her friend goodbye for the day and the friend walked her way. She opened the gate went in. A sudden thought came to me. If I get there immediately after she gets there, won’t her parents think we both came together? That we were fooling around together? Though it wasn’t true it would be hard to convince them. Though they wouldn’t express doubt, they wont buy it. Not that it really mattered. Still… so I waited there for some time.

A sudden honk of horn took me out of all the interwoven thoughts about her, me and the daydreams with her. I slowly walked towards her home, opened the gate, walked to the door and rang the doorbell. I waited there composing my mind, to face the one who would open the door.

I heard hasty footsteps coming towards the door. The bolts were opened and her mother stood in front of me.

She said “Aah, son! It’s you, come in. Come in. Sit down there” pointing at the chairs in the hall and continued “Father’s upstairs lighting the lamp. He’ll come soon. You just make yourself comfortable. I’ll make tea for you.”

I smiled gently and did as she said. She hurried off to the kitchen…

I sat back, relaxed. I felt home…

I heard someone running the floor above and looked up the staircase. There she was. After bath with a towel wound around her hair. She smiled like a child.Like a little cute child.She gestured she would come soon. I smiled. She looked so cute…

She was off, probably to her room. Hair drying, for girls (with some hair), is an elaborate process. Immensely time consuming as far as I know. I took a walk around the room, looking through her trophies, medals, childhood pictures, a few family photos and a lot of fancy statues…

Her father came down now and greeted me “When did you come?”

“Just now… a couple of minutes ago”

“ She also came just some time ago. Taking a bath I think”

“I saw”

He eyed at me suspiciously and I understood why.

I added “I mean, she came by the stairs before going to dry her hair” and smiled foolishly.

Prologue continues…

…She had said in her first letter that she waited for very long to give her heart to someone. Many handsome boys asked. But they weren’t deserving enough she said. She waited. She tried imagining and finding possibilities of a probable soul mate in every third person she met, she found none of them deserving enough. So she kept on waiting for her one. The one to own her heart. Her man…

************

I sat relaxed and lost in my world till her father interrupted my daydreams and thoughts. As he came down the stairs he called out to me “Aah, when did you come?”

“Just… a couple of minutes ago” I answered standing up from the chair.

“Mother saw you , right?”

She called out from the kitchen “ I did. I did. How would he have got in if I hadn’t?”

Father ignored the her comment and came and sat down . I sat down.

He asked me “ Hows it now? You all right?

“Yes. Am allright. Still on drugs and exercises. But am perfectly allright.”

Her father leaned forwards and placed his right hand on my chest and closed his eyes, feeling my heart beat. A tear was on its making in the corner of his eye…

Prologue continues...(only to end)

…Her first letter to me was her last letter to anyone. I never saw her when she was alive. But I feel her alive within me. I owe her this life…and somehow am in love with her. I dream about her day and night. Maybe it’s because most people love themselves with all their heart. My heart still hasn’t lost it for her previous owner. She should have been a good person… a loving and caring person. That’s what her letter makes me feel. Cute too as the photos show... She is gone, and yet am in love with her, with all my heart, which belongs to her…literally or otherwise…

************

love you all

hari

PS- Its around 1 in the morning now. am done editing this story like thing. urakkam varunnu. as ever entthu cheeta vilikanelum madikenda... post as comments or put as offlines :D

thanks to 2 songs for keeping me typing... tujhe bhula diya from anjaana anjaani and uyrile from vettayaadu vilayaadu :)

signing off, with lots and lots of love

hari