Friendshipday 2009 Post

Surety Assured

The clouds gathered, darker than usual. Heavy one its gonna be,I thought.I could see clearly that beyond these last patches of trees it were the plains. Scattered vegetation of bushes, small shrubs and a few small ones not big enough to be called trees, none which could let us from getting soaked in the upcoming rain. But the old man was still walking as if the rain didn’t matter to him. I was surprised. We didn’t have umbrella. Yet the man was ignoring the last trees that could let us not get soaked.

“The clouds have gathered.”I started. He turned and looked into my eyes, which evidently told me to finish what I started. I continued “I think we should stop here for a while”

Old man smiled “Why?”

“Why!!! Its going to rain. We’ll get soaked if we get out into the plains. There are no trees out there”

"Its not that always gathered clouds promise rain."

“Good philosophy. But won’t help when it rains” I said

“Why dont you believe that it won’t rain?” He asked smiling.

“My believing cannot change anything.”

Now he smiled and asked “What if we stop here and it doesn’t rain? What if the clouds just roll out after a long time? Its evening already.” I didn’t have an answer for that. He now continued “ Do you think staying here will not soak you? What if it rains all night and we are stuck in here!”

I was out of answer,now regretting to have put forward the topic.I felt his eyes so sharp,as if piercing mine.He turned and walked.Then he continued talking to me, his eyes fixed in the horizons as ever “Sometimes we think we are sure of what is yet to come,even when we are not assured So,what you had was the fear of getting soaked.First of all its only rainwater.It wont kill you.But be it the fear to whatever.Why should you surrender!!!You have to move on.Nothing is surety assured.Once we are aware that we are safe nowhere you will just not surrender to such fears.Even I cant assure you we wont get soaked.But stopping is not the right decision to take at this point”

“I have a doubt,then” I said

“Not sure if I can clear it” he said in a tone from which I could make out that he was smiling.

“That doesn’t matter.If it was that I reached here and I feel inside that I should stop here.you know,its hard to explain.something like an intuition…”

He stopped walking and turned to me,eyebrows in a questioning manner “Is that why you really asked me to stop?”

“No”

“If it were I would have stopped.Intuitions are God sent to take you to the right place at the right time. Never ignore them.Reasoning fails at many places in life.But intuitions don’t fail unless you fail them.Earlier when you asked about stopping I asked you ‘why’ to make sure if it was an intuition. You were just reasoning.”

“Hmmm…Or was it an intuition?Am not sure.My legs are aching too.I think It might have been an intuition.So can you just take it an intuition and pause?”I asked with a mischievous smile

He said nothing but smiled and slowly placed his backpack down…

Love all of you guys
Hari
*Chumma oru neram pokkinu type cheythatha...ennodu kshemicherey :D

My Confused Soul...

Standing in the crowded seashore,alone.Something really wrong to say,yet so right.Why is it that I feel alone even when I am surrounded by so much lively and lovable people? Should I let myself feel down now? Its for me to decide and am so confused.They say be truthful to yourself.then I shud let myself feel down.I can just start acting happy.Feel light by doing so.By doing so,will I be cease from being true to myself? I donno...I accept now,am confused.

Sometimes I say God has written our fates.Sumtimes I say we decide our fates.I have said to someone that "God is not that cruel to have made you take chances and let you down.It'll be alright." with him it all went well in the end.Now its my turn.With faith I go on each day.Yet in the end of each day,seeing the happenings,I doubt why am being punished by God? Is this mere testing of faith? Will all turn out right in the end? I donno.am confused

After having put so much of efforts,which are a 100 times more than my previous 2 years efforts,at this point of time,am being let down even by God.Parents sumtimes indirectly sumtimes directly blame me the same things they did last year>how the hell can they?Ya,It has always been like that with them.Last year I had sumthing to blame myself for.THis time I cant find a reason proper to do that.Moreover I never made any promises.Ofcourse I had dreams.I still have.I still hope My dream will make it thru in the end.I was the one who said "hope never fails ,its man who fails to hope".So I will hope.Will it turn right or not I donno.Will I feel really bad.more than what I am feeling right now.Entering the night.It might be literally the night part of the phase of life.Shud I hope so? will the day cum in if I wait for the cycle to just continue? or will it be like clinging on to some false hope? I donno.am confused

Am I a loser?A question I would in my usual mind set reject.but today I dont feel like rejecting it.Never reaching upto my expectations.Failing to accomplish many of my Small yet big for me sorta dreams.But even when I lose such a fight I have always had sumthing fulfilling in between or on the way to unreached destination.That is where I feel confused about whether I shud feel bad of having failed or shud I just leave it and go on with the future,believing that the try I gave was a way God sent me to fulfill some small but gr8 things in life,to change a bit,to live a bit,to gain sum experiences,to learn a new lesson in life.Usually I believe the second way.But today I am confused.really Goddamn confused...

I wanna die.I dont wanna suicide! What about that.is that feeling itself a Suicide attempt?I donno Am confused

Is it that am really feeling all this in real or is it that am going on thinking like this becoz of an instantaneous grief.I donno am confused


Another day has come to end.Sun has packed up to go America.The people around are here to see him off.A crowd is always there to send sumone off.is it that they love you only when u go away for a while?No it shudnt be that way coz they also love those who stay.I donno am confused abt all things today.Why not shut up now...

Thats better...

Hari

Untied...

Raji was walking by the deserted road. Another dull evening it seemed. No vehicles were seen, not even in the horizons. The sun was gleaming from behind the coconut trees, its shadow looking like a thin headed medusa. Three miles to destination… Legs were paining. Exhaustion took over. She stood there and looked around.
Now she saw a van in the horizons. She waited there with the hope of getting a lift to her destination. But she did not let out her hand asking for a lift. But the van stooped by her side. This was not the first time that a vehicle stopped by her side to ask the route to some where.
Now the backdoor opened. A man with a dirty stichmark on his chin and a wicked grin on his twisted lips, knocked her in and closed the door. Neither did she get time to think nor did he give her time to speak out. He tied a piece of black cloth around her face. Then he struggled and succeeded to tie her hands up. She started kicking around with as much power as she could exert. This annoyed the driver of the van as most of the kicks were on his head.
He cried out “Tie her legs too. Mac”
The other cried out “Never mind. She is treating you like a football and me like Zidane did with Materazzi.”
“Whatever be it. If u don’t tie her up I will just leave the vehicle. I can’t drive right when some one considers my head as a football !”
“Isn’t it?”
“Don’t insult me. I will break our partnership.”
“Oh!!! I dare you to do it. I know how to drive. I know how to get money from her parents and if in the future you come begging for money I will kick you out.”
“But what if you get caught?”
“I will tell your name too”
“OK.Am not leaving. We are partners in the business! We shouldn’t be quarrelling like this!”
“Then drive fast.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The vehicle came to a sudden halt and Raji’s head knocked on the door leaving her unconscious
The kidnappers took her to a building which seemed to a building uninhabited at least for half a century. The doors were opened. The place was full of cobwebs and dust. The driver started sneezing instantaneously.
“Search her pockets” said the other guy
“I have a hand kerchief of my own. I don’t need her kerchief”
“Fool, search her for any address to contact her parents.
Then they searched her pockets and got a small book. They opened it and found it had a lot of phone numbers without any names written. They searched her pocket again. This time they got some coins and a red ribbon.
“Ay Mac. How do we know which is her parents number?”
“Ask her and that’s it”
“Will she tell?”
“What do you think? She wouldn’t like to stay with us for the rest of her life. If she has to go back she will have to answer.”
They went to her. Now she was awake and struggling to break off the ties. The driver now went and slowly untied the cloth that was tied around her face. When he finished doing it, she took a deep breath and before he could ask anything started screaming out
“Stupid, Idiotas,donk”before she could complete he tied up her mouth again.
“Hey girl. Tell us who is your father? Give us his number”
She shook her head as if answering no.
“We’ll see. You needn’t tell. We aren’t fools. We will find out”
Telling this he walked out of the room with her book in his hand. The driver guy followed.
“What’s in your mind? Of course we have to believe we are not fools but how will we find her parents”
Mac now looked down at the book. One of these numbers is gonna be her father’s. We’ll call and find out”
“But that will take a lot of time and money…calling one by one!!! I can’t even think of it!!!”
“No pains no gains. Be it any business you have to invest something to get profits. Let’s start now. take out your mobile”

One day later…
“Sir is your daughter missing?” He asked the 75th guy
“First let me have her born. Wife’s in the labor room.Hey are you sure the child is missing from her womb?”
He hung the phone nearly fainting. Then he turned to the driver guy and told disappointed “No luck. Let’s ask her again…”
“I told you, na, that it won’t work!”
“Sorry. Let’s ask her again”
They went and the driver guy slowly untied the knot. As soon as he untied it the girl began to scream out again “Lunatics Gits scoundrels…”
He tied the knot again without waiting for the other guy’s words
“Now what?” Asked the other guy
“I don’t know” he replied
“She seems to be a “Phone-number maniac”. By now I’ve called city’s major hospitals to STD booths. Most of the phone numbers are of shops”
“We seem to be a failure together. Hum “Rab ne banaya jodi” toh nahi.Lets break up. Hum se kuch” Kismat Konnection” nahi hone wala.Our stationary store never gave us profit. But nor any loss. Just gave enough to live. When we were trying to make money through truthful means we never had loses and nor much of profit. But we had above all some peace of mind. Now look at what we have done to ourselves. Kidnapped a girl who has phone-number mania and hearing all the great things she calls us when we untie her. We will have to sell ourselves to the BSNL this month. The van will be taken away by the lent a car guy today evening… We are beggars now”
“It’s all because of you, girl.”
The driver guy untied her mouth. She looked hard into their face.
“I am a beggar. That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to tell you. But every time, you don’t give enough time to complete it” she muttered angrily
“Now we are beggars too. Lets beg together”

:D
Hari

Christmas Special

This year’s most romantic love letter!!!

Dear Thankamma,

Do you remember the day we were born? Oops. The days were different. Leave that. Do you remember our first day at school, crying and running back to our parents? Oops. Our schools were different. Never mind. Thats life. It never allowed us to stay together. Oh!! the important days of our lives. But I assure you one thing I will make it up for these past miseries. If you dont mind doing a sacrifice we can get married, same day, same place to the same people. I mean different people. No. I mean am not different to me and you are not different to yourself; so it must be "We can get married to indifferent people"!!! Wow that was one hell of a usage.

I was planning to suicide till the day I met you. Then, there, I was simply amused by the idea of you killing me. Please accept my love. I dont want to go to hell for suiciding . Anyway its sure that you will go to hell, for your life was always out of bounds. Then why dont you love (and kill?) me?.

I know the inner strength you possess; and the outer ;) So I do fear you transforming a relation beginning in a wedding ring into a boxing ring. There too I fear failure coz I have seen your lust for gold. Its sure, you will take away the medal, leaving to me nothing but a body which will be by then good for nothing.

Baby (I mean you and not the one you had last year), now is the right time. My purse is empty. I will fill your soul with love believing you will fill my purse(not with emptiness!) and I can bear the side effects!

Come to me. I can promise you one thing. I will be there for you all my life(*conditions apply)

Yours Sins Yearly

Rajappan

* Thanks sabari the shaktiman !!

In heaven…

The table was laid. I saw through the keyhole. I was in Harimohan's room waiting for the call, with an empty stomach. I was hungry. The door was locked. But the smell was intoxicating. Thrice had I looked out of the keyhole. Hari's mother was laying the plates on to the dining table. Then she calls "Hari and Sarath,come for dinner. Hari answered from the bath room "am coming amma. One minute. Am bathing"

I was feeling hungry. Why can’t Hari come fast? He is wasting too much time of my life. Everybody’s life. I willgive a smal punishment to him, later. I wandered to and fro in the room. The wardrobe was open I went to it. Smell of naphthalene balls. I was allergic to it. They used to cause me respiratory problems. Now it’s ok. One of the racks had clothes put as a heap, not in order. The door of the bath room opened and Hari emerged out, wearing fresh clothes.

He walked towards the door as if he didn’t see me.

"He's changed a lot” I thought

Harimohan opened the door. He went toward the sink to wash his hands. I don’t believe in that sort of hygiene. Hygiene must be overall,not just hands. It’s all in your hands. I went towards the table without washing my hands unlike Hari. Now Sarath was screaming like hell. He stood over the chair and stood there.I was too anxious to know what he was yelling at. But I was hungry. I just started eating. Sarath slowly walked away from the table as if some ghost was in front of him...Whack with a broom on my back!!! Whack! Whack! Whack!

I was dead by then.

As a cockroach, have I not the right to eat delicious food when am hungry? My life is shorter than theirs, yet they seem keen about reducing it. Naphthalene balls, killer brooms, "hit". They are terrorists. If they don’t mind taking away my life they won’t hesitate to kill their fellow men

This won’t continue forever. No one can subdue us forever. Cockroaches never give up. Now itself there are movements in many kitchens. Visions, meetings etc. They say they will bring The Paradise of Cockroach in most homes. They are going for Home Rule Movement.

Now am in heaven....eating delicious chicken. So I don’t have to bother about the home rule and revolutions.

Long live revolution,

The dead Cockroach

With love,

Harimohan

Another Sleepless night...

Another sleepless night.I should say morning.It was nearly 3 'o clock.I was rolling from one end of the bed to the other trying to find a comfortable pose to get some sleep,but all the time thinking of things troubling.Then I rose from my bed and walked upstairs to sleep in the sofa upstairs.The window was open.Placing the pillows on the sofa I went over to the window and watched.Half of what I saw was the neighbor's terrace.Looking up I couldn't spot out the moon.Maybe it was just above me,with the ceiling hindering me from seeing it.A few blocks away plumes of smoke were rising,maybe from one of the houses in front of the temple.My lips were all dried up.I wanted water badly.I walked down to the kitchen and searched the place for a jug.There were none.All were in other rooms.I took the largest of steel mugs, filled it up to brim with tap water and then carried it carefully in my hand.I said involuntarily "I Balance".Then I smiled at my self for having said so.Usually I say that when I take father's bags ,ironed clothes and other things from the car,all in one go to his room upstairs.
'The thoughts hindering my sleeps...I had to do something about them.' I thought
Then I switched on the music player and played one of my favorite songs.I then rethought the matters that were worrying me.They are always there.In different forms.Sleeplessness is what we make.It's got nothing to do with any problems of mine but it was my problem.A problem I created by thinking over other problems only to create more problems.Then I thought "What problems? Its Life! Its supposed to make us feel that we are living.We feel we are alive only when we are fighting for a cause,a dream.I know its my dream.Its my dream and I am not going to spend sleepless nights over problems.I will use them for my dream!!! " I turned off the music player and tried to sleep in the sofa humming the tune of a ghazal,one of my favorites,the one which I've always admired for its lyrics.Thinking of the lyrics of the song,I lay in the sofa
.Now in the morning ,after waking up I remember a bit of what I was humming just before I fell asleep.I had started humming with the ghazal I was talking about.then I remember adding two or three lines from some other song to it and then the tune changed entirely.After that I don't remember what I was singing...

Love
Hari

Singing but Silently...

When this rains masks the summer,
When these clouds masks the sun,
When my face masks the heart,
When everything appears so veiled,
Yet another thing hides in me,
But not from me...An Old song...

Years ago,on a summer not veiled
By clouds or rain, I heard you...
Then I held you close to my heart,
By heart,not knowing what you meant,
But always ready to sing you aloud
Even with none to hear us,me or you

Even now,close to my heart you are
Not by heart,yet knowing your heart
What you stand for in this small life
And the wisdom you hold within,
Which, as a child I failed to see then.
Now though,a few words I remember faintly
And your lively tune,which am still humming
Are all I have with me of yours
Still am singing you,but silently...