on this onam ...

Some Good Sleep…

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It seemed like any other day in the universe. Planets were rotating in their own axis and revolving around the sun while the Mobile City of Heaven was just a mile away from the Saturn’s ring. God stood in his balcony glancing at the enormous Jupiter. Then he looked at Earth. Letting out a sigh of relief he thought ‘Thank myself I decided to experiment it all on Earth rather than Jupiter!’

Then God said, as if in a confessing tone, to the angel of highest order standing beside him, his eyes fixed on Earth “This isn’t my world anymore. These are the ruins, the shadows of it. Sadness. It’s gotten over the whole system. It has plagued anything and everything possible. Raised itself to a higher level, combined with everything bloody me-damned thing possible, in all permutations and combinations to generate all these complicated feelings. Anger, vengeance, desperateness and what not. What I created to glorify happiness has had glory over it. Overshadowed it.”

“No sir. It’s not overshadowed completely. Just a bit shadowed. That’s all. It’s still out there and still everything isn’t beyond repair. There’s still hope. This can be solved.”

“No. Everything is going to fall apart. Out of place. Hope? Who are you to talk about hope? Have you felt it? Ever in your life?”

“You know the answer sir, of course it’s a ‘no’. But I do believe in that concept. Concepts are the only things we can resort to. After all we angels can’t have feeling. May I ask, Sir, are you drunk?” the angel asked in his plain tone as ever.

“I don’t have a solution for the maze I have created. I manipulated the Adriane’s thread when I created sadness. Now am stuck up here. See the irony! The creator has no idea how to solve what he created. Without the Adriane’s thread in an ever changing maze. Am feeling helpless.”God said desperately.

“Sir, you didn’t answer me. But I do make out from all this talk that you are drunk. I’ve seen you drunk many a time in the past. But then you were happy and were euphorically rejoicing all that you created. Today you seem to be over-drunk, sir. Over-drunk to go beyond happiness and let the other feelings come in. Drunk enough to let sadness and those complex emotions plague you, sir. You need some rest. Sir, take rest till the kick’s gone.”

Now God looked up sharply at the angel’s face and said “Of course am drunk. Does that bother you? You are just envious of me. You can’t have feelings. You’ll die if you drink it and so the grape’s sour.”

“Envy, sir, is another feeling and how can I have it if I can’t drink the ‘Liquor of Feelings’. And sir you know how dangerous it is for God, the creator, the administrator to have feelings. It will make you think like Men. Sir you know that you won’t be able to do what is necessary, with all these feelings playing around in your mind. Take rest till the kick’s gone.” said the angel plainly.

“Stop it. Shut up. Who taught you all this? Who created the ‘Liquor of Feelings’? Who told you about it? And above all, have you had a firsthand experience about what you are talking of? I created this liquor. I know how to deal with it. Don’t you try to teach ME!!! You can’t ever have it in your life and if you have it you will no more have life! Stop talking to me like you know something, you envious creature.” God swore.

Angel remained silent for a moment and then said “Sir, take some rest, please. Till you get over the kick of ‘Liquor of Feelings’. We’ll take care of everything till then.”

God scratched his head and slowly turned away from the angel. His hands into his pocket and face facing the floor he slowly walked to his room.

In his room he sat down on his bed feeling all desperate, sick and down cursing himself for his creations. He now switched on the TV. Guys, don’t start wondering now. Heaven has got every technology, in their most sophisticated form which is still undiscovered in earth. Heaven gives glimpses of ideas of those technologies and ideas in dreams, as passing thoughts etc which is how it all comes discovered down here on earth.

Heavenly TVs have Angelic Intelligence (A.I). What’s it? This is it. An angel appeared in the TV screen asked “What do you want to see today, sir? News? Human movies? Anything to please you, sir?”

God sat there thinking for a while. Then he said ‘Show me a live event with someone despising me. Who was once a follower, a believer of mine and now no more because that somebody feels am such a sucker.”

“With Thought Subtitles, sir?”

“Of course.”God said

“Amen” said the angel and the TV screen went blank for a moment.

Then the screen showed a room with two men. They were in their mid 30s. The small table in front of them had a few bottles of liquor, soda and glasses. Butts of cigarette were resting on the table.

One of the men looked agitated and depressed. He sipped one a whole glass of it in one go and placed the glass on to the table with such force that the sound created made his mother peep out of the kitchen door. The other guy was just holding the glass, not drinking.

The agitated guy now started talking out loudly “There can’t be a goddamn god, yaar. No there can’t be. Look all around! I don’t want to believe that god is someone who finds joy in punishing the good, taking away from the deserving, killing people unreasonably, killing people with some goodness at earlier age and letting the worst of men live a long life!!! All that just needs a sadist, greedy, tyrannical mass murderer. No. God can’t be a psycho. Whatever is going on looks more a psycho’s work? There is no god. Better believe in no god than that god is a psycho. ” he said shaking his head.

The friend looked helpless and didn’t know what to say. But finally he managed to say, swallowing the initial reluctance “It’ll all turn out for good. Don’t lose faith. You are going through hard times. Have some faith, man.”

“Hard times? Hardest...Worst...” Said the agitated man in a sarcastic tone and continued “That’s what he gives to ones who have complete faith over him? Unanswered prayers can be justified by saying ‘maybe he has better things in store for you’ or ‘maybe you prayed for a foolish thing’. What about this? What about what he has done to me? No, now don’t try to bring me back to believing such things. I don’t want to believe in such a god…”

The friend now looked at him as if in sympathy, patted his shoulder and said “Stop drinking…It’s for your good am saying. Give up the past. Start living the rest. Do something”

The agitated man looked down at the floor and said “For my good…of course. Now it’s just me left here. What’s so good about this life anymore??!! She isn’t anymore, nor is my child. Without them what’s my life worth? I try to have faith in god. I end up in believing that god killed them… So I gave up faith. Without them it’s hard. Without faith it’s harder. You feel helpless. Bloody goddamn helpless. You feel you have no one to call out for. You see hopes are all just made up. Now you tell me, doesn’t your god have feelings? Doesn’t he feel bad taking off from a man his wife and only child leaving him in so much pain?”

“No son, I have them only when am drunk.” God talked out loud sitting in his room, of course knowing that the man would never hear it but equally wishing he knew all these limitations he had.

Now his mother appeared in the scene and tried to clear the table off the bottles and glasses saying “Enough of it, son. Enough.” and tears rolling down one of her cheeks.

Both of the men rose. The friend bid him goodbye and went. The drunk man walked with faltering steps to his room. He entered the room and bolted the door. He went and sat down on the bed. He took the remote control of the TV and switched it on. News was going on.

Rail accident. Earth quake somewhere. Someone given bail. Some political conspiracy. Corruption getting caught and corruption getting ignored. So on and so forth it went…

‘Everything seems to be the same of what I’ve been hearing everyday for the past 33 years.’ The thought subtitles of the man appeared on god’s TV “Sick .World’s getting sicker every day. Whatever good still exists is fading off slowly. No one is happy these days…sick…”

“Sorry son…” god said aloud, again knowing he won’t hear it, but wishing he could. “I can’t help it! Am equally helpless son!”

The man looked at the picture on the wall took when he and his wife were playing with their little daughter. Again the thought subtitles appeared “SICK SADIST…KILLER…”

Now the man rose from his bed and walked to his wardrobe and opened it with difficulty as he found it hard to insert the key into the keyhole with his shivering hands. He now moved the clothes in the wardrobe slowly and took out a small dark bottle.

God identified it. Sleeping pills. And God boasted aloud “They haven’t got one in a millionth strength of my sleeping pills. But that’s enough for you. Have some good sleep, son”

The man emptied all the tablets into his hands. God looked at all this awestruck. He talked out aloud again. “Suicide. That too in front of my eyes and I can’t do a thing about it!!! Angels won’t let me stop this as am drunk, with all these human feelings as they say. Bloody hell!!! I have none but myself. You all have me to call out for. Who can I call out to when I feel helpless??? Oh!!! Help me somebody!!!”

Then the man went to the corner and took the jug of water. Sitting down on the floor he started swallowing the tablets one by one. God watched it helplessly, feeling downtrodden, sick, tears rolling down his cheeks. He watched the man slowly fall unconscious.

Now god broke down into sobs. He cried out aloud. Then he rose up and walked to his wardrobe. He opened it and took out from midst of his things a dark bottle labeled ‘Sleeping pills’ with a caption ‘don’t take more than one’ written by himself.

“I need some good sleep. Some good sleep…”he said. Having seen all these sickening things with feelings he felt he couldn’t sleep without pills today.

Then he opened its lid and took out one tablet and swallowed it.

He thought ‘Am accused of it all. I can’t run this world with feelings. I know that. But they’ll never know. Poor me… Poor me-damned me…’

Then slowly he emptied the whole bottle of tablets into his hands and swallowed them one by one. He was mumbling “Have to, for some good sleep… Some good sleep”

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love you all,

hari :D

PS- every time I post something I say this. enne thalli kollale. chumma ezhuthiyatha.Kshemicherey :D

and with this post I wud put some words of caution. dont take this religiously or in any of that sense. and i wudnt entertain any comment of tht sort. Above all dont look for my belief or views in this article...