My Confused Soul...

Standing in the crowded seashore,alone.Something really wrong to say,yet so right.Why is it that I feel alone even when I am surrounded by so much lively and lovable people? Should I let myself feel down now? Its for me to decide and am so confused.They say be truthful to yourself.then I shud let myself feel down.I can just start acting happy.Feel light by doing so.By doing so,will I be cease from being true to myself? I donno...I accept now,am confused.

Sometimes I say God has written our fates.Sumtimes I say we decide our fates.I have said to someone that "God is not that cruel to have made you take chances and let you down.It'll be alright." with him it all went well in the end.Now its my turn.With faith I go on each day.Yet in the end of each day,seeing the happenings,I doubt why am being punished by God? Is this mere testing of faith? Will all turn out right in the end? I donno.am confused

After having put so much of efforts,which are a 100 times more than my previous 2 years efforts,at this point of time,am being let down even by God.Parents sumtimes indirectly sumtimes directly blame me the same things they did last year>how the hell can they?Ya,It has always been like that with them.Last year I had sumthing to blame myself for.THis time I cant find a reason proper to do that.Moreover I never made any promises.Ofcourse I had dreams.I still have.I still hope My dream will make it thru in the end.I was the one who said "hope never fails ,its man who fails to hope".So I will hope.Will it turn right or not I donno.Will I feel really bad.more than what I am feeling right now.Entering the night.It might be literally the night part of the phase of life.Shud I hope so? will the day cum in if I wait for the cycle to just continue? or will it be like clinging on to some false hope? I donno.am confused

Am I a loser?A question I would in my usual mind set reject.but today I dont feel like rejecting it.Never reaching upto my expectations.Failing to accomplish many of my Small yet big for me sorta dreams.But even when I lose such a fight I have always had sumthing fulfilling in between or on the way to unreached destination.That is where I feel confused about whether I shud feel bad of having failed or shud I just leave it and go on with the future,believing that the try I gave was a way God sent me to fulfill some small but gr8 things in life,to change a bit,to live a bit,to gain sum experiences,to learn a new lesson in life.Usually I believe the second way.But today I am confused.really Goddamn confused...

I wanna die.I dont wanna suicide! What about that.is that feeling itself a Suicide attempt?I donno Am confused

Is it that am really feeling all this in real or is it that am going on thinking like this becoz of an instantaneous grief.I donno am confused


Another day has come to end.Sun has packed up to go America.The people around are here to see him off.A crowd is always there to send sumone off.is it that they love you only when u go away for a while?No it shudnt be that way coz they also love those who stay.I donno am confused abt all things today.Why not shut up now...

Thats better...

Hari